Thursday, July 19, 2018
 
 

I don’t have a country yet, but I want to be a dictator. Where do I start?

That’s a good question, Little Monkey. Another word for dictator is ‘Maximum Leader’, one of my personal favourites, because your friends can call you Max, as opposed to Dick.

Anyway. One famous Maximum Leader was Sonny Barger (christened Ralph, so you can see why he went for Sonny and then, no doubt, Max). He led the Hells Angels in Oakland, California in the late 1950s and 1960s. Not only did he get to ride at the front, but he got to make rules. Sonny loved rules: surprisingly, one rule was that there would be no swearing or fighting at meetings. That’s a good rule to start with. He got so good that important people took him seriously: he got to sit on stage at a Rolling Stones concert with his buddies, providing ‘security’. (It didn’t end well.)

Generally, your local sports club is a great place to start your journey towards Maximum Leadership. Staffed by volunteers, no one really wants to do any work. If you just show a little application, everyone will think you’re marvellous, and in no time at all you’ll be making the rules, banishing difficult people, and putting your most loyal supporters in key positions, like Locker Room Duty Officer and Kit Manager. Other places you can start are your Body Corporate, local charity, and neighbourhood watch.

Good luck!

Daddy Chimp

 

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